Intimate partner violence, or domestic violence, includes any behavior used by one person to manipulate and control their intimate partner. These behaviors always convey the threat of or an actual physical harm. Tactics used by abusers include behaviors meant to cause emotional and physical pain, isolation, and fear.

The women’s rights movement has increased awareness of intimate partner violence in heterosexual relationships. However, there are layers of complexities that exist in LGBT relationships that are unique from heterosexual relationships. Some examples of abusive behaviors include threats to out their partners to their family, jobs, or neighborhoods, restricting their partners’ involvement with friends and/or social groups (who often take the place of family members who do not accept them because of their sexual orientation, gender identity or expression), belittling or ridiculing their partners’ gender identity/expression, questioning their partners’ sexual orientation, and using their partners’ HIV or AIDS status to control their partners.

A lack of training in how to best handle domestic violence in LGBT couples can lead to counselors making inappropriate recommendations for interventions. Unfortunately, LGBT victims claims of domestic violence are often taken less seriously, and their relationships are seen as inherently dysfunctional. Some believe that a history of being abused can lead to a person becoming the abuser in a relationship. Abusers must learn to abuse, be rewarded for abusing, have the opportunity to abuse, and choose to abuse. This applies not only to LGBT abusers, but to all inter-relationship abusers.

There is a common cycle of violence that occurs in most domestic violence cases. There is the honeymoon phase, when no violence occurs, followed by a tension building stage where the victim feels impending violence and finally, some form of violence occurs. The cycle then re-sets at the honeymoon stage. Every part may not be present in every situation, but generally this is the accepted route of violence. Furthermore, violence nearly always escalates over time.

At the Triangle Foundation, we provide crisis counseling and referrals for those in abusive relationships, court accompaniment and advocacy, assistance in preparing petitions for orders of protection, safety planning, and information about intimate partner violence/sexual assault in LGBT relationships.

If you or anyone you know has been affected by any injustice, you may report it at (877) 787-4264 or report@tri.org